He is the Gift

 This time of year, instead of getting caught up in the hustle and bustle of gift buying and holiday parties, remember the reason for the season. 

http://www.mormon.org/christmas?cid=HPFR112814529

You are enough

Recently, I have had a few discussions with other stay at home mom's and it seems we all have one thing in common. We feel like the things we do arent enough. There is a lot of pressure in the world to create the "perfect family".  There is a perception that as stay at home moms, we should be able to raise perfectly behaved, smart successful, talented, polite kids, have a perfectly clean house, a perfect relationship with our husband, and look good while doing it. After all, we have all the time in the world and additional leisure on top of it to sit and watch talk shows while we eat bon bons and still manage to stay in shape and put together, right? Well, let me tell you, this perception is bogus. Being a stay at home mom is hard! Our kids arent perfect, our house isnt always clean, and dinner often consists of frozen pizza. If anyone appears to have it "all together", they are lying. No one is perfect, and we will never find happiness trying or pretending to be. I believe, happiness lies in recognizing our little success'. It lies in doing the best we can, and even though we fail...sometimes a lot, our kids still think we are the best parents in the world. And isnt their opinion what really matters? I am grateful that as a member of my church, I have so many guidelines laid out to help me with create those little success'. Through living prophets, we are given instruction and counsel on how to truly create happy families. One of these prophets was Ezra Taft Benson. He gave a talk to women, outlining the blessings of motherhood. He also provided 10 important suggestions we should be following in our families.

"No more sacred word exists in secular or holy writ than that of mother. There is no more noble work than that of a good and God-fearing mother. … President David O. McKay declared: 'Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother’s image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child’s mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world…Motherhood consists of three principal attributes or qualities: namely, (1) the power to bear, (2) the ability to rear, (3) the gift to love. . . . This ability and willingness properly to rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness, yes, longing to express it in soul development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world. She who can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions deserves the admiration and the plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters, whose influence will be felt through generations to come, . . . deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God'. "Do not curtail the number of your children for personal or selfish reasons. Material possessions, social convenience, and so-called professional advantages are nothing compared to a righteous posterity. In the eternal perspective, children—not possessions, not position, not prestige—are our greatest jewels."

The ten suggestions he gives are: 

1.      Be at the Crossroads. Take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going— when they leave and return from school, when they leave and return from dates, when they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your children are six or sixteen.

2.      Be a Real Friend. Take time to be a real friend to your children. Listen to your children, really listen. Talk with them, laugh and joke with them, sing with them, play with them, cry with them, hug them, honestly praise them. Yes, regularly spend unrushed one-on-one time with each child.

3.      Read to Your Children. You will plant a love for good literature and a real love for the scriptures if you will read to your children regularly.

4.      Pray with Your Children. Have your children feel of your faith as you call down the blessings of heaven upon them…. Have your children participate in family and personal prayers, and rejoice in their sweet utterances to their Father in Heaven.

5.      Have Weekly Home Evenings. With your husband presiding, participate in a spiritual and an uplifting home evening each week. Have your children actively involved. Teach them correct principles. “Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influence and temptations which beset them” Joseph F. Smith

6.      Be Together at Mealtimes. Happy conversation, sharing of the day’s plans and activities, and special teaching moments occur at mealtime because mothers and fathers and children work at it.

7.      Read Scriptures Daily. Individual scripture reading is important, but family scripture reading is vital. Reading the Book of Mormon together as a family will especially bring increased spirituality into your home and will give both parents and children the power to resist temptation and to have the Holy Ghost as their constant companion…the Book of Mormon will change the lives of your family

8.      Do Things as a Family. Make family outings and picnics and birthday celebrations and trips special times and memory builders. Whenever possible, attend, as a family, events where one of the family members is involved, such as a school play, a ball game, a talk, a recital. Attend church meetings together and sit together as a family when you can. Mothers who help families pray and play together will stay together and will bless children’s lives forever.

9.      Teach Your Children. Catch the teaching moments. This can be done anytime during the day—at mealtime, in casual settings, or at special sit-down times together, at the foot of the bed at the end of the day, or during an early morning walk together. Mothers, you are your children’s best teacher. Don’t shift this precious responsibility to day-care centers or baby-sitters. A mother’s love and prayerful concern for the children are her most important ingredients in teaching her own. Teach Gospel principles, modesty, the right kind of entertainment, etc. The Church cannot teach like you can. The school cannot. The day-care center cannot. But you can, and the Lord will sustain you. Your children will remember your teachings forever, and when they are old, they will not depart from them. They will call you blessed—their truly angel mother

10.  Truly Love Your Children. A mother’s unqualified love approaches Christlike love. Work at this prayerfully. There need be no generation gap. And the key is love. Our young people need love and attention, not indulgence. They need empathy and understanding, not indifference from mothers and fathers. They need the parents’ time. A mother’s kindly teachings and her love for and confidence in a teenage son or daughter can literally save them from a wicked world.

So on those days when dinner gets burned, the house is a wreck, the birthday party I planned is not "up to par", and my kids "hate" me for not letting them have that extra scoop of ice cream...on those days, I need to remind myself, that as long as I am doing the best I can to take care of these 10 basic priorities and above all, LOVE MY KIDS to the very best of my abilities, I will be enough in my Father in Heavens eyes. The rest of the worlds opinion of me doesn't really matter.

For the full talk, go here: https://www.lds.org/ensign/1987/05/news-of-the-church/president-benson-lauds-blessings-of-motherhood?lang=eng

Love and Laws

I am one of the millions of mothers around the world who gets to hear my children exclaim, "Your mean!" I hope I am not the only one who feels a tinge of hurt and regret when I hear these word uttered from a seemingly sweet and innocent 6 year old. There are moments when I want to be my kids best friends. I want them to have it all! I would never purposely do anything to bring them unhappiness. Yet, I do. I place rules and restrictions on them. I tell them "No"...a lot! And almost every time, I feel guilt and wonder if I am doing any good and if enduring the whining and tantrums from my children when they dont get what they want is really going to do any good or be worth it in the end. I read a article this week given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks called "Love and Law". He is one of my favorite apostles and this talk reassured me of why. He reminded me of the following truths:

"God’s love is so perfect that He lovingly requires us to obey His commandments because He knows that only through obedience to His laws can we become perfect, as He is. For this reason, God’s anger and His wrath are not a contradiction of His love but an evidence of His love. Every parent knows that you can love a child totally and completely while still being creatively angry and disappointed at that child’s self-defeating behavior." So the feelings of regret and worry that I feel are actually a good thing! Its evidence that I love them. If I didnt care, I wouldnt feel anything. Just like our loving Heavenly Father places commandments on us to protect us, he doesnt always give us the answers we want. He gives us what we need in order to be successful in our lives and protected. He is our model for parenting. Sometimes he lets us stumble and fall, to make us stronger and force us to get back up on our own. If I always gave in to my children they would never learn how to deal with the disappointments that came in their life. They wouldnt learn about the things that are truly important and how to think of others. They wouldnt have any respect for the rules. Elder Oaks continued giving us reasons why sometimes we have to let our kids practice agency. 

"God does not intervene to forestall the consequences of some persons’ choices in order to protect the well-being of other persons—even when they kill, injure, or oppress one another— for this would destroy His plan for our eternal progress. He will bless us to endure the consequences of others’ choices, but He will not prevent those choices." Our agency is a gift. God does not control us, this would be Satans plan. We wouldnt learn from our mistakes if we were forced to follow the rules. We wouldnt be able to experience success from overcoming our failures. We ahve to allow our kids the chance to learn and progress from their own experiences. Elder oaks continues: 

"Where do parents draw the line? That is a matter for parental wisdom, guided by the inspiration of the Lord. There is no area of parental action that is more needful of heavenly guidance or more likely to receive it than the decisions of parents in raising their children and governing their families. This is the work of eternity." We are so blessed to have a perfect example of parenting through our Heavenly Parents. Just like our earthly father, our Heavenly Father wants to teach, guide, help, support, advise us. He is waiting to answer us and bless us. He wants to see us succeed. Its a great feeling when my kids finally understand something...when they finally get how to tie their shoe, or write their name after struggling to do so. When even though it hurts, they understand why hitting or saying mean words to someone is wrong because they have experienced it themselves. When they learn on their own, with maybe just a little guidance, and a lot of patience. 

For a link to the entire talk go here: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/love-and-law?lang=eng