Love and Laws

I am one of the millions of mothers around the world who gets to hear my children exclaim, "Your mean!" I hope I am not the only one who feels a tinge of hurt and regret when I hear these word uttered from a seemingly sweet and innocent 6 year old. There are moments when I want to be my kids best friends. I want them to have it all! I would never purposely do anything to bring them unhappiness. Yet, I do. I place rules and restrictions on them. I tell them "No"...a lot! And almost every time, I feel guilt and wonder if I am doing any good and if enduring the whining and tantrums from my children when they dont get what they want is really going to do any good or be worth it in the end. I read a article this week given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks called "Love and Law". He is one of my favorite apostles and this talk reassured me of why. He reminded me of the following truths:

"God’s love is so perfect that He lovingly requires us to obey His commandments because He knows that only through obedience to His laws can we become perfect, as He is. For this reason, God’s anger and His wrath are not a contradiction of His love but an evidence of His love. Every parent knows that you can love a child totally and completely while still being creatively angry and disappointed at that child’s self-defeating behavior." So the feelings of regret and worry that I feel are actually a good thing! Its evidence that I love them. If I didnt care, I wouldnt feel anything. Just like our loving Heavenly Father places commandments on us to protect us, he doesnt always give us the answers we want. He gives us what we need in order to be successful in our lives and protected. He is our model for parenting. Sometimes he lets us stumble and fall, to make us stronger and force us to get back up on our own. If I always gave in to my children they would never learn how to deal with the disappointments that came in their life. They wouldnt learn about the things that are truly important and how to think of others. They wouldnt have any respect for the rules. Elder Oaks continued giving us reasons why sometimes we have to let our kids practice agency. 

"God does not intervene to forestall the consequences of some persons’ choices in order to protect the well-being of other persons—even when they kill, injure, or oppress one another— for this would destroy His plan for our eternal progress. He will bless us to endure the consequences of others’ choices, but He will not prevent those choices." Our agency is a gift. God does not control us, this would be Satans plan. We wouldnt learn from our mistakes if we were forced to follow the rules. We wouldnt be able to experience success from overcoming our failures. We ahve to allow our kids the chance to learn and progress from their own experiences. Elder oaks continues: 

"Where do parents draw the line? That is a matter for parental wisdom, guided by the inspiration of the Lord. There is no area of parental action that is more needful of heavenly guidance or more likely to receive it than the decisions of parents in raising their children and governing their families. This is the work of eternity." We are so blessed to have a perfect example of parenting through our Heavenly Parents. Just like our earthly father, our Heavenly Father wants to teach, guide, help, support, advise us. He is waiting to answer us and bless us. He wants to see us succeed. Its a great feeling when my kids finally understand something...when they finally get how to tie their shoe, or write their name after struggling to do so. When even though it hurts, they understand why hitting or saying mean words to someone is wrong because they have experienced it themselves. When they learn on their own, with maybe just a little guidance, and a lot of patience. 

For a link to the entire talk go here: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/love-and-law?lang=eng